I had my first SteamDeck for nearly a year before it finally got used up. So recently I decided to treat myself to a new one. I hopped on Steam and ordered a 512GB nearly shaking with anticipation for its arrival.

Today was the day! It finally arrived! Palms are sweaty and hands are trembling as I unpackaged the product. Everything looks packaged and new. It’s just as perfect as my first SteamDeck. So I fire her up and get ready for the good part! That’s when everything goes down hill…

After over an hour of playing Skyrim I could feel the back plate starting to heat up. The fan was churning max speed! I knew it was time. The anticipation was too much and I could wait no longer! I slowly leaned my head forward gently dipping my nose down to the vent fan… and inhaled a deep breath of vent exhaust through my eagerly waiting nostrils…but to my despair I smelt… nothing. Just … hot air tickling my nose hairs. No lovely smell of a cyborg’s vagina. No heavenly scent of a robots secretions. No… how could this be!

After pondering in utter disbelief at my disappointment I’ve come to one conclusion. Someone has previously used and ultimately sniffed up all my vent exhaust before I got a chance. I don’t think this is the delivery drivers. No this conspiracy goes deeper. Someone higher up in Valve is masterminding a multibillion dollar illegal SteamDeck Vent Exhaust market and ripping off future customers.

I will be regretfully returning this new SteamDeck and returning to my original as there is no point in spending hundreds of dollars for a scentless SteamDeck. It’s like ordering used panties online and receiving them new with no smells. So disappointing. Do better Valve.